Uman Trip Post 1: How I Ended Up with a Ticket to the Ukraine

Posted on June 1, 2016 by Jennifer Stengel

Two years ago, I never thought I’d be living in Israel now. One year ago, I never thought I’d be days away from my five month wedding anniversary by now. And two months ago, I never thought I’d be weeks away from my first trip to Uman, Ukraine. I have to admit that at first, I didn’t really want to go. I had all kinds of reasons, including the fact that it was my Shana Rishona (the first year of marriage) and I shouldn’t be away from my husband overnight; definitely not for days at a time. Plus, my husband and I are saving money for various important purchases and I felt that now wasn’t the time to splurge on a trip. Ultimately I booked the trip and the closer it gets, the more excited I’m getting. After all, G-d has given me so many unexpected opportunities which have blossomed into the most wonderful blessings, how can I pass up this one?

Let me preface everything by saying that I do not categorize myself as a “Breslover”. I grew up pretty mainstream Modern Orthodox. Shomer Shabbat, Kosher, Orthodox Day School, etc. I didn’t really even know about Rebbe Nachman or Breslov until maybe a couple of years ago. Even then, my knowledge of all things “Breslov” mainly came from reading and re-reading The Garden of Emuna by R’ Shalom Arush. (By the way, I highly recommend this book. It changed my whole perspective on life in general and you don’t have to be Breslov or religious or even Jewish to benefit from his lessons and advice. If nothing else, it helped ease much of the anxiety I was dealing with and gave me a much stronger sense of hope and trust in G-d. But I digress…) I didn’t know much about Rebbe Nachman and I definitely never heard about this whole Uman thing. The first time I heard about Uman was when I moved to Israel less than a year ago. I was getting to know my future husband and he told me that he was going to this place called Uman for Rosh Hashana. I didn’t even know where Uman was or why he would go there so he explained that he was going to pray at the grave of Rebbe Nachman, as well as other great tzaddikim. I thought to myself, “how nice that he’s taking a trip this year to pray at R’ Nachman” as though it was a one-time sweet little trip. Later I learned that this was a much bigger deal. It’s a yearly pilgrimage that literally thousands of Jewish men from around the world make every Rosh Hashana. That was my introduction to Uman and honestly, I didn’t have a very strong desire to go there.

First of all, I started to resent it. You see, these men who make these yearly pilgrimages to Uman, do so every year (barring extenuating circumstances). And now that I’m married to one, I started to realize that I just might not be celebrating Rosh Hashana with my husband this year and many years. As an American Jew, I view Rosh Hashana as not only the beginning of the High Holy Days and a serious time of prayer and reflection, but also a time for family. So many memories of dipping apples in honey and savoring sweet slices of pomegranate while the family is bringing in the new year together is such a special part of my childhood. I always expected to carry on this tradition with my own husband and, G-d willing, future family. But now, I feel like Uman is robbing me of that experience. I feel like I’m competing with Uman for my husband’s presence. Though I try not to, I can easily fall into a bad mood when I get reminded that I don’t get to bring in the New Year with my new husband. So yeah, Uman and me… let’s just say I wasn’t scouring travel sites trying to book tickets.

Secondly, I’m not a “hippie”. I may listen to ’60’s-’70’s folk music and I often pair my Birkenstock-style sandals with flowy, colorful long skirts, but no one is going to mistake me for a Deadhead living in Haight-Ashbury in the ’60’s. I’m pretty mainstream and I enjoy all genres of music, fashion, etc. Even when it comes to my Judaism, I don’t follow any one school of thought. I enjoy learning from all different sects — Chabad, Breslov, various other Chasidic groups, Ashkenazi, Sephardic, even Brisk. You catch my drift here. Anyway, why do I bring this up? Followers of Rebbe Nachman are called Breslovers. Breslovers make up the bulk of Uman tourists and Breslovers are usually associated (rightfully or wrongfully) with people stuck in the Woodstock era who spend their nights barefoot and dancing in the streets, among other things. This is not me. While I crave spirituality and believe in spiritual connections, I’m not about “feeling the vibes” and dancing in fields and deep meditation or whatever. Not that anything is wrong with that, it’s just not usually how I personally connect. But that’s what people think of when they think of the Breslov crowd.

Ultimately, I realized none of that is what Uman is about. It’s not about my husband going away or wannabe hippies rocking out to some sort of Jewish trance music in the fields. It’s about opening yourself up to exploring different facets of Judaism and ways of connecting to G-d. R’ Nachman was a great rabbi, tzaddik, and spiritual leader. On this, everyone agrees. No matter how others choose to interpret his works, I choose to appreciate what I believe are his messages and take what I can from his teachings. The people going on this trip are educated, inspiring, wholesome individuals. Uman is a place for scholars, a place for those wishing to strengthen their faith in G-d, a place that just may help you connect a little more deeply.  I’m compelled to take this journey. It’s a journey perfectly suited for me – I am Jewish. I want to strengthen my connection to G-d and grow spiritually. I want to pray more deeply. I want to be happier. I want to make new friends with women who share my background, beliefs, and culture. And I think this just may be the place to do it.

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Book Review: Still Life With Woodpecker

Posted on August 7, 2014 by Jennifer Stengel

woodpeck

Still Life with Woodpecker is imaginative and unconventional. It reads like a stream of consciousness peppered with seemingly trite but actually profound metaphors, and it’s filled with ridiculous yet insightful characters. Half the time I loved it, half the time I found it laborious. Still, though I like my stories to keep me entranced the whole way through, any tediousness while reading Woodpecker was forgiven by the philosophical and observational gems hidden in Robbins’ free-flowing jungle of words.

All in all, if you’re looking for strictly a fast-paced, interesting plot, then perhaps you should skip this one. But if you can appreciate philosophical musings and insightful observations on the human condition, even without a very strong driving story behind them, I think you might enjoy this book.

Side note: There is a plot hidden within these pages. The protagonist, a princess, Leigh-Cheri. Her love interest, an outlaw, Bernard aka The Woodpecker. Dynamite and pregnancies and kingdoms and parents and chaperones and frogs. The role of the moon and redheads in this world and, of course, love. Also, don’t try and smuggle a frog to Hawaii. It won’t end well.

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Book Review: Thirteen Reasons Why

Posted on August 5, 2014 by Jennifer Stengel

13 cover

“Everything… affects everything.”

How would you behave if you took the time to ponder the far-reaching consequences of seemingly inconsequential actions? How would speak about and treat others if you could even begin to grasp the magnitude of how your words may affect them?

The mantra we teach children, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” we know not to be true. In fact, according to Jewish tradition, speaking ill of someone and embarrassing them is considered akin to murder. “Thirteen Reasons Why” by Jay Asher (a secular novel) demonstrates in a very clear and shocking manner exactly why that is the case.

“Thirteen Reasons Why” tells the story of how 13 individuals contributed to the deterioration of one girl’s mental state until she was ultimately driven to commit the unspeakable final act of suicide. Some acts and words directed towards her were decidedly worse than others. Sometimes, as in the case of the narrator, a “contributor” finds it unfathomable to even be included on this list. In his head, he has never done anything to harm her. In fact, quite the opposite; the narrator longed for and deeply cared for the young lady who took her life. While the narrator feels guilt over the thought of having any part, even unintentionally, to this girl’s demise, we find that at least one person on the list, even after understanding why he’s included on it, still refuses to accept any responsibility and it bears no weight upon his conscience.

But regardless of the reaction of any character in the book, the story serves to teach its readers an important lesson. Words and actions matter. Actions and words that may seem inconsequential at the time or may be viewed as a joke, may, in actuality, be enormously impactful. Seemingly trite actions and words (or non-actions and withholding speech) may help uplift a person or, in other circumstances, may tragically, even if unintentionally, inflict a great amount of harm upon someone else. In so many instances, words are thrown around carelessly. There is no great thought as to their consequences and, often times, there is no intention to cause everlasting damage. But, as this moving novel demonstrates, it’s hard, almost impossible, to predict the extent of their impact.

This is an important, serious book, yet a very interesting, fast read. I highly recommend it to all readers, especially the teenagers and young adults it’s targeted toward. With the recent wave of teenage suicides and internet bullying, it is now more important than ever to make young people  (and adults alike) realize the everlasting repercussions of how they treat others. This book not only drives home this point very clearly, it does so in an original, captivating way. The book offers mystery, drama, and is so intriguing that I couldn’t put it down.

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33 and Single.. And I’m OK With That

Posted on August 3, 2014 by Jennifer Stengel

Like many women, I’ve dreamed of getting married since I was a little girl. It wasn’t the typical dream of what my dress will look like or what color flowers I’d have at my reception. Rather, it was the more general dream of falling in love and having that man by my side forever. I figured, I’d meet the man of my dreams in college and be engaged by the time I was 23. When 23 came and went, I told myself, you’ll probably meet him by 25. Then, when I was 25 and still not married, I told myself that for sure I’d be married, or at least engaged, by the time I was 30 years old. Now I’m 33, I don’t even currently have a boyfriend, and, for the first time, I’m ok with that.

I grew up watching Disney movies, most of which concluded with a happy ending consisting of the heroine getting married to her prince. I watched TV shows and movies, many of whose plots revolved around a girl “getting” a guy. Even my family consistently pressured me with questions like “So, when are you getting married?” and comments like, “You should go to [insert any singles event here]; you might meet someone!” Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate their efforts and I’m grateful for their concern. However, all of these factors only served to refocus my attention from finding the right mate to “getting married.” I started prioritizing finding a man and being in a relationship over finding the RIGHT man and being in the RIGHT relationship.

I’ve had a few serious relationships over the years, all with incredible, smart, kind men. Each of whom is a true mentsch. I honestly do not have one bad word to say about any of them. However, despite all their wonderful qualities, it was clear early on that they were not the right match for me. So why did I stay in those relationships (sometimes for years)? Because having a good relationship with a man I loved seemed more important than finding a suitable lifetime partner, a person with whom I could truly build the life I want. Of course love plays a vital role in the relationship. I would never marry a man whom I didn’t love. However, the butterflies, the spark, the attraction, even enjoying each other’s personalities, is not enough to build a lasting relationship on. And so, my past relationships, each of which I valued dearly, never ultimately ended in marriage.

I used to pray to G-d and ask Him why I wasn’t married yet. I used to pray for Him to help me get married soon. And I used to wonder why He wasn’t listening to me. Now I know why. Because had He sent me my soulmate in the past years, I may have easily overlooked him. Because had I gotten married in my twenties, I most likely would have married the wrong person.

Since my twenties, I’ve grown tremendously as a person. During my younger days, my priorities mostly revolved around “having fun.” I placed great emphasis on having many friends, going to social gatherings, and enjoying myself. Naturally, I was developing relationships with like-minded people. After all, you attract who you are. But, as I’ve matured, my priorities have gradually, though radically, shifted. Certain things remain the same, I was always a family-oriented individual and that value remains ingrained within me to this day. But otherwise, I’ve found my interests have drastically changed and are, dare I say, a little less selfish.

I’ve truly embarked on a journey of self-discovery these past few years. What I found was astonishing to me. Although I was raised in a Modern Orthodox Jewish home, I rebelled against my upbringing in my twenties. It wasn’t an intentional rebellion, I did not harbor any ill feelings toward Judaism and the traditions with which I was raised. Rather, I merely viewed Judaism, especially the restrictions that accompany many of its laws, as cumbersome and inconvenient. I was at a point in my life where I wanted to assert my independence, finally feel unburdened by the restrictions placed upon me as a child. In my immature mind, this meant that I should indulge my impulses to have fun and break free from any restraints. Nowadays, my outlook is completely different. Not only do I not view Judaism as a burden, I embrace it. I love Judaism and I’m grateful for being part of the Jewish people. All one has to do is look at how the whole international Jewish community came together in recent days during the disappearance of the three teenagers and the current conflict in Israel to understand the deep bond we have with one another. All one has to do is look at the outpouring of support and immense number of people who showed up for funerals of IDF “lone soldiers” to understand that no Jew is ever a “lone” anything. We are a family; I have a family of millions.

Moreover, I love the Jewish traditions and the mitzvot (commandments) I once thought of as a burden. Instead of looking forward to a Friday night party, I now excitedly anticipate Shabbat, the Jewish day of rest. I welcome Shabbat and I’m grateful for a day exclusively reserved for spending time with my family, learning, and growing spiritually as a person. Instead of dreading going to synagogue, as I did in my twenties when I thought it was boring, I enjoy being at shul and being part of my community. I feel a connection to G-d when I pray and I now value that connection more than I thought possible. It’s actually unburdened me from many stresses of living in a world one interprets as dangerous and random. Being able to communicate with G-d and believing that He hears your prayers, allows you a peace of mind that doesn’t come from anything else in life. Financial security, good looks, marriage, children.. all these things can be taken away in an instant. But, if you believe in G-d and feel as though you have a connection with Him, then no matter what life throws your way, you can always retain some sort of peace by knowing that there is a reason and there is a plan, regardless of how incomprehensible it may seem to the human mind at the time.

Furthermore, I transformed into a person of conviction. I know what is important to me and I stand up for what I believe in. For example, Israel has always held a special place in my heart. I grew up in a Zionist household where I was taught to love Israel, the Jewish homeland of thousands of years. Especially coming from a family of Holocaust survivors, it was easy to understand the importance of the State of Israel and how dear it will always be to the Jewish people. Now, as Israel’s mere existence, once again, is being threatened, I no longer just sit home and wish for the best. I take action. I donate money to legit causes to help support the IDF and Israeli civilians affected by terrorist attacks. I pray with great kavana (intention and feeling) to G-d to protect Israel, the IDF, Israeli citizens, and Jews throughout the world from terrorist attacks and the violent wave of anti-Semitism overtaking the globe. And I act — I attend rallies, I write opinion pieces, I speak out on social media. I defend my people and I defend my homeland. No longer do I sit silent; I speak out. And in doing so, I feel stronger as a person, I raise my head higher, and I walk with a greater air of dignity.

And so, to get back to my original point, how does this affect my outlook on marriage? Why am I now ok with being single when I previously obsessed over when I would meet my mate? The answer is that I now realize that G-d actually was listening to my prayers all along. Of course I’m single now, because had I gotten married earlier, I would have undoubtedly chosen the wrong person. Because my priorities were warped and because I was not yet mature and developed as a person, what I was looking for in a potential husband (what I was attracted to) was not what ultimately, I now realize, would make me happy. The men I was dating, though wonderful people, did not share my current love of Judaism, or religion in general. Their outlooks didn’t agree with what mine currently is. They didn’t want to raise a family with the same traditions and values I hold dear. Had I married one of them, it would have surely either ended in divorce or an ultimately unhappy union. And so, I’m at peace with being 33 and single. In fact, I realize I had to be 33 and single in order to be available for the right match. Do I wish it didn’t take me 33 years to reach this level of self-understanding? Of course. But, since it did, I’m glad to have the opportunity to now be available to find a true soulmate.

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To Be Pro-Israel Means To Fight For Her

Posted on August 1, 2014 by Jennifer Stengel

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been bombarded with misguided, though I’m sure well-intentioned, opinions of various self-proclaimed pro-Israel people on social media who, though they claim to support Israel’s right to defend herself, are nonetheless against the Israeli military effort currently underway in Gaza. They seem to believe that sending the current Palestinian government “humanitarian aid” is not equivalent to supporting Hamas. They make a point of stating that not every citizen in Gaza is a terrorist, a point with which I agree. They claim that there should be no pointing fingers; that the fact that Hamas initiated the conflict is irrelevant. They further argue that regardless of whose fault it is, we should do more to prevent the deaths of any civilians, to the extent of arguing that, in fact, Israel should stand idly by and do nothing while under the threat of constant terrorist attacks aimed at murdering her citizens. They say that we’ve tried military force in the past and we are still warring with the Islamic radicals and so it would be futile to employ the same tactics as before to deal with them.

Now I will tell you why they are wrong.

First of all, all you have to do is look at how much money was given to Gaza over the past years as “humanitarian aid” and then look at the conditions in which their citizens live versus how the Palestinian government/Hamas lives to know that the vast majority, if not all, of every dollar being sent as “humanitarian aid” is being used to fund Hamas and terrorist activity. For example, all the concrete that Israel gave them for humanitarian purposes, to build up their cities, were used instead to build tunnels for terrorist attacks against Israel. To send millions of dollars to the Palestinian Authority, a joint government with Hamas, an internationally-recognized terrorist organization, is to ultimately support terrorism.

Labels are just that: labels. You can call something whatever you want, it doesn’t change the reality of the situation. When you call funds “humanitarian aid” yet you know the money is being misused to supply missiles and fund terrorism, it is the same thing as giving the money directly to finance the missiles themselves. For those who still don’t grasp this concept, allow me to try using an analogy. Let’s pretend you have a mouse. You put the mouse in a cage with a snake and the snake eats it. You do this time and again, but each time the snake eats the mouse. Your intention may not be for the mouse to be eaten, you may claim that you did not label the mouse as “snake food.” But, when this happens over and over, you must eventually acknowledge that by putting the mouse in the cage, you are offering it as prey. At some point, you must be held responsible for the known outcome of your actions.

Next, no one is saying that all Arabs are part of Hamas. No one is saying that the Palestinians living in Gaza do not need our help. In fact, I believe many Palestinians are victims of Hamas as well, and require assistance to break free from their deplorable living conditions and the tyranny of a terrorist ruler. The Palestinians absolutely should not be subjected to their current living conditions, but that is exactly why the world should be against Hamas. Israel pulled out of Gaza, ripped its own citizens out of their homes in order to give the Palestinians their own land. Israel has been sending them humanitarian aid. Israel left them a set-up horticulture industry so they could have a viable economy. What did they do? They destroyed it because it was created by Israel. Then, they purposefully elected a known terrorist organization to lead their government. They took the majority, if not all, of the money given to them by Israel, the United States, and others, and invested it not in strengthening their infrastructure and helping their people, but rather in amassing weapons and erecting tunnels to be used for terrorism. If you want to help the citizens of Gaza, you should support Israel’s elimination of Hamas. That is the only way the people of Gaza will be able to live freely and have a chance at a peaceful, successful society. If Hamas cared at all about civilian lives, it would have accepted at least one of the recent ceasefires and not continued to fire rockets while Israel was holding back its attacks. Furthermore, Israel uses multiple methods —calling citizens, dropping leaflets, roof knocking — to warn citizens of target sites for future attacks (the sites where Hamas stores its weapons purposefully amid civilians). Yet, Hamas instructs them to ignore all warnings from the IDF. Thus, the members of Hamas are the only people to blame for the high amount of civilian casualties.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, for Israel not to fight back is for her to be suicidal. Regarding Israel employing non-military methods, let’s review the effectiveness of that plan.  Peace talks, giving up land, UN intervention, and ceasefires have all been tried multiple times and have failed. Even during the current conflict, over the past couple of weeks, Israel has accepted multiple ceasefires, all of which were either rejected or violated by Hamas. What else do you want Israel to do? Should the state of Israel sit back and do nothing while an organization, whose mission statement calls to eliminate her from existence at all costs (including the loss of innocent lives), continues to attack her and will not stop until she’s destroyed? Should Israel just sit around and allow Hamas to amass weapons, build more tunnels, and continue to attack her until they finally get rid of Israel once and for all? The only reason Israel still exists is because every time the surrounding Arab countries and/or terrorist organizations attempted to annihilate her, Israel fought back.  Had Israel followed the advice of the so-called pro-Israel yet anti-Operation Protective Edge people, there wouldn’t be an Israel.  Had Israel followed their advice, Israel would have been destroyed in 1948, 1967, 1973, and so on, including right now.

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